Thursday, December 01, 2005

The Non Disabled Sibling!


Oh yes! My son has got it all figured out. It took him awhile but he finally figured out how to work his sister's disabilities to his advantage. Yes, we feel guilty and we certainly overcompensate in many ways since when Brittany was younger we were in hospitals all the time.

Then Jessica comes along and we are again faced with another child who needs attention. So Michael got a lot of things that I normally would have been against. I was always brought up that you have to work for things. Things don't come easy. But if you work at it, it can be yours! Skies the limits. (Probably that is why it was so difficult for me to accept that I couldnt' help my girls --but that is a totally other blog entry).

Anyway, went to teacher's conferences tonight and everybody loves Michael. He is such a warm and caring kid. Now I agree with that. However, he has been late to science (first period) and I need the teacher to back me up with discipline. Problem is that she sat through the speech I give--- welcome to my world- a perspective a parent with a child who has a disability. So she lets Michael get away with murder and it's been hell in my home in the mornings. Fighting with him to get ready on time.

The Social Worker is also great. But she also sat through my speech and understands our home environment and she also loves Michael. So once again, he gets away with it. Three weeks ago, the Asst. Prinicipal stepped in (thankfully she didn't sit through my speech) and she threatened to give him detention everytime he is late. Guess what?

My life has turned around!!! Michael has been getting up and going to school. His school work also improved. Today they told me he was slippping a little (okay B's instead of A's) and the last three weeks, they've seen him pulling high A's and extra credit. All I care about is that he works to his potential and I think he finally is. Hooray!!

So the moral of this story. As parents, we all have a tendency to feel guilty about things and we may try to make things better by overcompensating. Obviously the speech I give left a huge impression on these teachers but also left them too understanding to his shortcomings.(Don't get me wrong, I think that every teacher should attend a workshop like mine--next entry will be about my workshop). But the child who does not have the disability needs to be treated with discipline and love--not guilt feelings.

4 comments:

Pilgrim said...

This is such a pertinent issue. I have a friend who has let discipline with her son with a disability slide, and it has spilled over to the two without disabilities, and the children run the house. It is just hard to even visit. It handicaps the typical children, because they become rather rude.

Anonymous said...

In the book, SECRET GIRL, author Molly Bruce Jacobs describes how she learned about a sister who was "mildly retarded" and institutionalized from birth. She meets her sister for the first time at age 38, and begins a process of integrating her sister into her own family. There's an excerpt from the book here:

http://tinyurl.com/pso5q

Scatteredmom said...

I have a child who doesn't have the disabilities yours do, but we deal with some of the same issues. People often think we're too hard on him with discipline issues, but they don't get it. Just because he's 'special' in some ways, doesn't mean he's special! I just started my blog, I hope to have more stuff on it soon.

Anonymous said...

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In general, this site is a great resource.

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