I Just Want You To Know Who I AM!!

A friend asked me today, why do you blog? With everything going on in your life, when do you find the time to blog? And I thought about it and the truth is...I don't have the time but I make the time.

1) It helps me. It allows me to sit down and throw my thoughts into written form. It allows me to just rant and rave and it's as if once its logged into the blogosphere....I can let it go (or at least attempt to let it go).

2) I find it very relaxing. I enjoy unwinding and writing in the blog.

3) I hope that I can help other people. When my daugther got sick, I don't know what I would have done without the internet. I had answers within minutes, I knew what the road might be based upon what others were experiencing.

Now I always point out to people, be careful with the internet. Remember, the worse case scenerios and those that are still suffering are the ones who are still on the forums. I haven't gone to the Infantile Spasms forum in years since Brittany has outgrown the Infantile Spasms. So, you move on to other forums. In fact, at the beginner of the year, I am making a note to go back to the Infantile Spasms Forum. To see if there is anyone I can help there!! First New Years Resolution!

So where did this thought process come from? I was going to blog about being Santa and about being sick (that's why I haven't been around--nothing serious--just a bad cold).

By now if you have a music player, you will see a video playing here and hear the song I.R.I.S. by the Goo Goo Dolls. I was looking for some music and I came across this song. This song came out when my daughter was first diagnosed and they put her on steroids. As I told you, she was like a zombie, she didn't even know who I was. And the first three months, I walked around in a daze. I remember hearing this song riding back from the hospital one night to try and get some sleep. I just cried the whole way and for months the words of this song would tear me apart.

Well, the good news after such a struggle, this song brings such comfort to me. Why? Because she has come so far. She is so much better than I had feared and I have come so far and have accepted her for who she is. So yes, I feel the pain from that night that I was driving. But I also feel how far we have come since that night when I thought (and truthfully wished) that the world had ended!

Yes, it's been 7 years now, since those days that the world seemed to end. But you know what? It didn't. So while I am sharing this in hopes that you will see one mother who has survived and even has become a better person due to her daughter's disability---I know it is still very hard. But take each minute for minute and you will become stronger!

I.R.I,S,-Goo Goo Dolls
"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming,
The moment of truth in your lies,
When everything feels like the movies,
Yeah, you'd bleed to know you are alive

And I don't want the world to see me,
Cause I don't think they'd understand,
When everything is made to be broken
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM!!"